


Memories

by salmonpanties



Series: hands [1]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Teen Romance, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 13:28:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16577393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salmonpanties/pseuds/salmonpanties
Summary: Chris: what's up?Isak took another second, before he decided to actually try his luck, before going to find transport. As he looked over his surroundings he realised that he probably wasn't too far away from the older boy's house.Isak: you awake? I've got beerHe paused for a second, about to put down his phone, when he saw the dots appearing, informing him that the third-grader was typing a reply.Chris: come over then-Or: during his first year, Isak gets to know P-Chris in a way he hadn't thought he would.





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Part of my SKAM series

Sunday 00.37

Isak was walking aimlessly along the streets of Olso. During this time of the night the streets were completely empty, the people spending their time either in bed or in the central clubs. Where Isak was walking, the outskirts of town, there was no sound but those of his steps on the deserted pavement.

His head was a bit heavy, but he still sipped out of the flask of beer in his hand. He had been hanging out with Jonas at some party, but then Jonas had brought over two girls... one of them had left with Jonas, a pretty brunette with big tits, leaving the blonde girl with glasses at Isak's side. It hadn't been long before she started approaching him, but as she had laid a hand on his leg, Isak had flown up from the sofa they were sitting on and excused himself. He had quickly grabbed a couple of beers, and then left the apartment.

Isak cringed at himself, not caring if anyone saw him or not. Why had he done that? The girl had been cute too... Isak stopped in his tracks, and picked up his phone. He scrolled through his notifications, until he found Jonas's number.

Isak: _ sorry man. I went home, something came up. Good luck tho _

Isak was about to lock his phone and actually go find a bus stop to take him to the centrum, but as he clicked himself out of his conversation with Jonas, he saw another contact who had texted him. Chris?

He opened the conversation and saw that the older boy had indeed texted him about two hours earlier. Isak squinted at the time, his fingers ghosting over the keyboard.

Chris:  _ what's up? _

Isak took another second, before he decided to actually try his luck, before going to find transport. As he looked over his surroundings he realised that he probably wasn't too far away from the older boy's house.

Isak: _ you awake? I've got beer _

He paused for a second, about to put down his phone, when he saw the dots appearing, informing him that the third-grader was typing a reply.

Chris:  _ come over then _

-

Sunday 01:03

Fast forward 15 minutes, and Isak had arrived to Chris' house, sitting on his bed. His parents were not home, which he had proclaimed at the door, with that smile of his. Isak didn't know why his stomach had felt funny at those words.

He was mainly looking around the room, which was surprisingly tidy for a boy his age. On the wall there was posters with half naked women and also a few bands. Isak did not recognise them, since he mostly listened to mainstream pop. Maybe Jason Mraz wasn't really a manly choice of artist? He made a mental note to check out some of the bands Chris had put up, when Chris finally made it back into the room. He was carrying a bowl of crisps, and Isak gladly grabbed a few of them. Back he offered a beer from his bag, which the older boy took one from as he seated himself onto the bed.

Between his crunches and sips out of his bottle, Isak sneaked a few glances, discreetly observing the older brunette. At last, he was caught, and Chris turned to him with a nonchalant smile.

“Like what you see?”

Isak caught a coughing fit.

“Ha-ha”, he replied when he regained his breathing. But really, he sort of did. In a totally heterosexual way. He cursed at himself inwardly.  _ Stop it _ , he thought,  _ lay off _ .

After that, they went back to mindless conversation, while drinking of the beer Isak had brought. Chris had a way of speaking that made you really want to listen, and Isak found himself leaning in closer than necessary more times than once. That was until Chris mumbled out something Isak quite couldn’t catch, causing him to lean in closer than before. But it was a mistake. His hand that had been by the edge of the bed slipped, and he found himself falling into the arms of Chris. 

When he regained his balance, he found he was staring into Chris’ eyes up close. Isak spluttered our a flustered “ _ sorry _ ”, trying to get up from the older boy’s lap, when the other leaned down and - kissed him. 

It was a messy kiss, one that took Isak by complete surprise, but soon he found he couldn’t help but kiss back. Chris put his hands into Isak’s hair, he pulled at it, and Isak let out a moan at the sensation. And that was when it stopped. Chris leaned back with a loud laughter, eyes almost glistening from the apparent hilarity, and Isak’s stomach dropped. 

He finally got up from the other boy’s lap. 

“I-I… I’ve got to go”, he said, panic filling his veins. 

He got up from the bed in a rush, almost pushing the flask of beer over. As he hurried out of Chris’ room, he heard the other laugh behind him. He felt as cold as the air was, when he got out of the house. Isak groaned. Now he had truly gone and done it. 

-

Monday 7.30

Monday came too quickly, and Isak dragged himself out of bed. He felt miserable. For a moment he felt tempted to skip the day, but he had a test he couldn’t miss. Still, it felt bad, making the walk to the tram. He just knew he’d be doomed the second he set a foot at school. The laughing stock. The  _ gay  _ kid. Isak felt chills up his spine. But, he wasn’t… he wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be. It hadn’t been his fault, what had happened. Had it?

The second Isak got off the tram, he found himself holding his breath. Walking over the school grounds, he tried to notice if anything seemed off. But no one was staring at him more than usual. He let out his breath, confusion filling him up. Everything seemed… normal? Isak kept walking. He got to his locker, without anyone laughing or staring at him, which seemed fine… but still he couldn’t shake of the feeling of being an impostor. As if it was just a question of time before he got revealed. As what, he didn’t know, but as something. 

“Halla, man”, he heard from behind him, and Isak almost jumped in the air. Turning around, he found Jonas standing there, smile on his lips. Isak took a moment just inspecting his friend, seeing if there was something he knew, but as the relaxed smile didn’t disappear from his lips, Isak let it go and smiled back. For some reason Chris hadn’t talked, and while Isak couldn’t understand why, he was grateful.

“Halla”, he replied.

Jonas smiled widely at him.

“You got home safely yesterday?”

Isak nodded.

“I did. How did it go for you with that girl?”

Jonas laughed.

“She was good”.

Isak laughed as well.

“Nice to hear”.

They begun walking down the corridor to the classrooms.

“I guess you didn’t hook up with that cute blonde girl? I only saw your text later, after I had… yeah, done stuff”.

Isak shook his head.

“No, I… I had to get home”.

But that he hadn’t. He thought back at the thing with Chris, and felt his cheeks heat up. They had kissed, hadn’t they? Chris hadn’t talked, or so it seemed, Isak just couldn’t figure out why. He shook his head at himself. He had a class to get to.

-

Monday 11.23

Sitting in the cafeteria, was when Isak really understood that Chris hadn’t talked. No one gave him more attention than usual. He was sitting with Jonas and his new friends Mahdi and Magnus, and the pair were chatting about their latest class together. Isak was picking at his toast, not really hungry, when he saw Chris walk into the cafeteria. It was as though time slowed down. He watched Chris walk with his friends, getting in line, and making their purchases. He watched them walk to a table close to the one Isak was currently sitting at, and that was when they made eye-contact. Chris looked at him for a moment, not really doing much, just staring into his eyes. But then he smiled, a small smile, but a smile nontheless. Isak felt his cheeks heat up. Then Chris looked away, laughing at something one of his friends said, but Isak knew. They were on. Feeling a stirring in his stomach, he looked down on his toast. With a new sudden hunger, he picked it up and began eating. 

-

Thursday 19.22

Tomorrow they were off school, and Isak were on his way to meet Chris again. He was walking along the darkening streets, feeling that stirring in his stomach again. He was feeling good. 

He picked up his phone from his pocket, and put on Spotify. 

_ Uh-oh, running out of breath, but I _

_ Oh, I got stamina _

_ Uh-oh, running now, I close my eyes _

_ Well, oh, I got stamina _

Clicking out from the app, he saw Chris had sent him another text. With a smile he clicked onto his contact. 

Chris:  _ you here soon? My parents are away btw _

Isak felt the stirring again. 

Isak:  _ im on my way. Got booze _

He hummed along to the music while he waited for the older boy to reply. 

Chris:  _ sweet. Knew I could count on you _

Isak smiled. In his headphones, the chorus just started playing.

-

Thursday 21.15

Isak was sitting on Chris’ bed, with the older boy next to him. They were both drinking off the beer Isak had brought, and the mood was good. Chris had put on some music on his laptop. 

_ I want you to breathe me _

_ Let me be your air _

_ Let me roam your body freely _

_ No inhibition, no fear _

For a while, they were just chatting, but then Chris put down his bottle and turned to Isak with a small smile. Isak felt his stomach stir. 

“So”, the older boy said, “how you feeling?”

Isak put down his own bottle with a smile. 

“I’m good, how about you?”

Chris smile widened. 

“Oh, I’m good”. 

Then he put his hand on Isak’s cheek and leaned in. Isak held his breath, until their lips met and he let it out through his nose. This time it was less messy, Chris took his time, letting his hand caress Isak’s cheeks as he explored his mouth. 

_ How deep is your love? _

_ Is it like the ocean? _

_ What devotion? Are you? _

Isak’s heart matched the beat of the song blaring next to him on the bedside table, as Chris kept kissing him. After a while, he felt brave enough to move his own hands, and put them on Chris’ hips. At this, Chris let out a small and breathy laugh against Isak’s mouth, letting out a small “ _ cold _ ”, but he didn’t stop the kiss. Isak felt muscle under his fingertips. He closed his eyes.

When Chris leaned back, he did such with another low laugh. Isak had to stop himself from chasing after the lips, trying to stay put. When he opened his eyes, he found Chris watching him with a nonplussed expression, like he was trying to figure something out. Suddenly feeling embarrassed under the other boy’s gaze, Isak moved his hand from Chris’s hip and picked up his bottle again, taking a sip out of it. He felt funny. Next to him, the music changed.

_ Ooh _

_ Climb on board _

_ We’ll go slow and high tempo _

_ Light and dark _

_ Hold me hard and mellow _

Isak took another sip out of his bottle. Risking a glance to the other man, he found him still looking, but now with a smirk. Isak put down the flask, turning to Chris again.

“So”, he said, “how you feeling?”

“I’m feeling good”, Chris replied. 

Isak smiled, as Chris kissed him again.

-

Saturday 20.55

The next few weeks, Isak felt as though he was inside a weird dream. He had begun to admit to himself that maybe this thing wasn’t completely straight, but Chris didn’t seem weird about it, so why should he? They met up sometimes, drank or smoked together, and it always ended with Chris kissing him. And Isak had to admit he liked it. Right or not. 

They were at Isak’s place this evening, his parents away at a trip. Isak was lying on his bed, Chris on top, and they were making out. Chris’ fingers were roaming over Isak’s bare stomach, and for once he didn’t feel insecure over how skinny he was, not when the other boy touched him so good. Isak had his hands on Chris’ back, feeling over the muscles. Further down, he felt something else. 

Chris leaned back for a moment, a playful smile on his lips. 

“You good?”, he asked. 

Isak felt his cheeks heat, but he nodded. 

“Yes”, he said with a breathy voice. 

Chris leaned down and kissed him again. 

-

Tuesday 15.34

It was when school was out for the day, Isak was standing outside school with Jonas and his classmates, when Chris walked by with his friends. Chris have him a small smile, which Isak responded to by gesturing for him to give him a call later. Chris nodded, and Isak smiled at him.

When Isak turned his gaze to Jonas again, he found the other look at him with a nonplussed expression.

“You know the third-years?”

Isak felt panic begin to rise inside of him. Had he been that indiscreet? Outwardly, he tried to keep a neutral expression and just shrugged.

“Yeah”, he merely replied.

Jonas just said an “ _ okay _ ”, and dropped it, but Isak’s panic was still there. He had to be more careful, before anyone begun to suspect something.

Later that day, when Chris actually gave him a call, he had to ask:

“Aren’t you afraid that people will notice?”

Through the phone he heard a laugh.

“ _ Notice what? _ ”

Isak sighed.

“This thing we have going on?”

Another laughter.

“ _ What thing? We’re just hanging out _ ”.

Isak felt himself grow unsure. Maybe he was reading too much into this?

“If you say so…”, he replied, suddenly feeling silly.

Chris huffed through the phone, before speaking again.

“ _ Anyways, do you want to come over? _ ”

The uneasy feeling went away, giving way for warmth instead.

“Okay”, Isak replied.

-

Saturday 22.34

Chris wasn’t a big talker. Or, he was, but he seemed to prefer not to talk when it came to Isak. Before, it had been different, but nowadays he seemed to prefer speaking as little as possible. They were once again in Chris room, drinking beer and listening to music. 

_ I’m tryna put you in the worst mood, ah _

_ P1 cleaner than your church shoes, ah _

_ Milli point just to hurt you, ah _

_ All red Lamb’ just to tease you, ah _

And Chris was kissing him to the sound of the beat. 

Not that Isak minded the kissing, quite the opposite, but somehow he missed the conversations they had used to have. As Chris leaned back, he tried to strike up a conversation. 

“So, how’s school?”

Right as the words came out of his mouth, he cringed. What kind of dull question was that? Chris just looked at him, a raised eyebrow. 

“Ah, I mean… no, that’s not what I mean, ah…”

Chris begun laughing. 

“Talk about a mood killer, Isak”. 

Isak felt himself fretting over his clumsiness a few seconds more, before relaxing and trying to see the fun in it. He laughed with Chris for a bit, before stopping and looking at the other with question in his mind. 

“What I meant, is that I want to talk to you more again. I  _ don’t  _ want to talk about school, I want to talk to you”. 

Chris stopped laughing, and instead just looked at him. He wore that expression again, as if he was trying to figure something out. But whatever he was looking for he didn’t seem to find, so the older boy just shrugged and smiled. 

“Fine, what do you want to talk about, then?”

Chris got down on the mattress, stretching out with a sigh. Isak looked down on him. He got down on the mattress as well, lying face to face with Chris. 

“This is nice”, he said, still. 

Chris just smirked. 

“If you say so”.

Isak nodded. 

“I do”. 

On the computer the music changed. 

_ We don’t talk anymore, we don’t talk anymore  _

_ We don’t talk anymore, like we used to do _

Isak laughed. 

“Don’t you hear? Even your Spotify thinks we should talk more”, he joked. 

Chris laughed as well. 

“Maybe your right”, he put his hand on Isak’s cheek, “or maybe we could go with a  _ little less conversation _ ”.

Isak begun to protest, but Chris quieted him down by pushing his lips against his own. And when Chris put his tongue against Isak’s, Isak thought that maybe sometimes conversation was overrated. 

-

Tuesday 14.55

Isak was positively surprised that no one had started to suspect anything. The weren’t even discreet anymore, when they greeted each other. Or maybe their relationship wasn’t as suspicious as Isak in his anxious mind thought. 

They were standing chatting outside of school, Chris standing by the wall. 

“So, what then?”, Isak asked, aiming at what Chris had just told him.

Chris laughed.

“Then my mum came home, and I had to hide the stuff”.

Isak laughed as well.

“Typical”.

Just then Isak got a text.

“Wait, I’m gonna check this”, he said.

He picked up his phone.

Jonas:  _ what are you doing tonight? _

Isak looked at his phone, before looking up at Chris again.

“We on for tonight?”, he asked.

Chris looked right back, and shrugged.

“Sure”.

Isak smiled at him.

“Nice”.

He begun writing a reply, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he found Jonas standing there.

“Halla, man”, he said. “Halla, Chris”.

Chris mirrrored a “ _ halla _ ” from behind Isak.

“Did you get my text?”, Jonas asked. “Me, Mahdi and Magnus were thinking about going out”.

Isak scoffed.

“It’s tuesday”.

Jonas smiled.

“Well, our first class is cancelled. What do you say?”

Isak shook his head.

“Sorry, got plans”.

Jonas laid his head to one side.

“Really, what are you gonna do?”

Isak was about to tell a white lie, when he felt Chris put his arm over his shoulders.   
“He’s gonna hang with me?”

Isak felt his face flush. Jonas just laughed, not noticing Isak’s sudden panic.

“I see, okay”. He smiled. “Well, I’ll see you around, Isak”.

Isak just nodded, watching Jonas walk away, before pushing Chris off of him.

“Don’t do things like that!”, he wheezed through his teeth.

Chris just laughed.

“Whatever”.

-

Friday 21.03

Isak was lying on Chris’s bed, the other boy next to him. Chris was watching something on his phone, and Isak went back and forth between watching it as well, and looking down onto the mattress. He had something on his mind. 

“Chris”, he said, causing the other man to pause his video and turn with a “ _ what? _ ”.

Isak swallowed.

“I was just thinking… it’s soon time for you to graduate, right?”

Chris looked at him, not getting at all what he was getting at. 

“I just… Well, you know…”

Chris groaned. 

“Come on, just get to it”.

Isak paused for a moment, before speaking. 

“I was just wondering what will happen to us when you do”.

It got quiet. For a moment Chris just stared at him. Then his mouth corners begun to turn upward, and not long after that he was laughing out loudly. Isak just looked at him right back, not understanding in the least what was so funny. 

“What?”, he asked. 

Chris kept laughing. 

“Come on, what?”

Chris stopped laughing, but he still looked amused. 

“That’s just… that’s just so funny, Isak. Wow”.

Isak felt confusion give way for dread. 

“What?”, he said. 

Chris laughed again. 

“There’s no us”.

Isak felt his stomach drop, and he looked down. There he was, lips still feeling tingling from another make out session, but there was no “us”. Isak sat up on the bed, reaching for his shirt on the floor. 

“I’ve got to go now”. 

As he walked through the door, he heard Chris laugh behind him and he felt a sense of déjà vu. He kept walking. 

-

Saturday 00.46

Chris graduated and Isak didn’t see him until months later at a party. He was making out with Eva. Isak went home early. 

**Author's Note:**

> What a ride. Kudos and comments are very appreciated! Please check out part two of this series.


End file.
